Spotted: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Where: On my neighbor’s stoop, in Brooklyn, New York.
Not only does my Brooklyn-living colleague spot books on stoops, she has been known to take miles-long “walks for treats” through Manhattan (a topic for a future blog). Seeing this book initiated a collegial conversation about how books written for parents can be beneficial for teachers, too!
Image Source: Simon & Shuster
As a former parent educator in Minnesota’s Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) program, I’ve read, reviewed, and facilitated my fair share of discussions about parenting books, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen was a popular pick. As Faber and Mazlish explain in the book, listening is an art and a skill that can be conscientiously improved with time and practice.
In a review by Rick Kettner, he describes the book’s six main focuses:
- Ways for kids to process feelings
- Engaging cooperation
- Alternatives to punishment
- Encouraging autonomy
- Avoiding “no” too often
- Offering praise
- Freeing children from playing roles
Talking about this title piqued my curiosity, so I reached out to my parent ed colleagues and asked, What other books could be useful for both parents and teachers? Below are the titles they recommended, along with ideas for applying this knowledge to the classroom:
Parenting from the Inside Out
Image Source: Dr. Daniel Siegel
Daniel Siegel is an adolescent and child psychiatrist and clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine. He has shared his expertise about many topics, yet this book stands out as it describes how our own childhood experiences influence the way we parent. Whether to our children, or to our students, we’ve all said things that (sometimes frighteningly, sometimes happily) remind us of our parents. This book explores the idea that understanding our own life story is the first step in increasing our capacity for secure, loving attachments with children.
Book Applications for Educators:
Increase Empathy: By understanding our past, we develop greater empathy for the diverse backgrounds and experiences of students; recognizing how each child’s behavior is influenced by their own unique story.
Build Trust and Safety: The book emphasizes the importance of secure attachments for healthy development. As educators, we can focus on building trust and creating safe and predictable classroom environments where students feel seen, heard, and valued.
The Whole-Brain Child
Image Source: Dr. Daniel Siegel
This bestseller, also by child psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel, and co-authored by Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, explains how children’s developing brains are “calling the shots.” (Yikes!) The book focuses on 12 strategies, such as Name It to Tame It, Move It or Lose It, and SIFT: an acronym that reminds children to pay attention to their Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts so they can make better decisions.
Book Applications for Educators:
Understanding Developmental Stages: The book focuses on “upstairs” (decision-making) and “downstairs” (emotions) brain development, and provides a great reminder to “pack patience” as younger students have less developed “upstairs brains”. (PreK and Kindergarten teachers we see you!)
Build Upstairs Brain Skills: To develop upstairs brain-skills, teachers can offer opportunities for students to practice empathy, perspective-taking, and problem-solving. Facilitating discussions about ethical dilemmas, including opportunities for role-playing, and providing collaborative projects, will develop these skills too.
Build Downstairs Brain Skills: When looking to develop downstairs brain skills, imagine a student is upset or dysregulated (downstairs brain), it is best to prioritize calming before reasoning (upstairs brain). Deep breathing, quiet spaces, and acknowledging feelings all help.
Good Inside
Image Source: Good Inside
Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy is known for “rethinking the way we raise children,” and many have heard her on the popular “Good Inside with Dr. Becky” podcast. In this book, Dr. Becky talks about the importance of connection over correction, feelings validation, child empowerment, practical application, and everyone’s favorite: why everyone is good inside!
The goal of this book is to empower parents to be resilient, connected, and authoritative, while encouraging the development of confident and self-regulated kids.
Book Applications for Educators:
Separate Behavior from Identity: Remind students (and yourself) that behavior is something they do, not who they are.
Remember the Capacity for Good: All students have the capacity to learn and grow. This positive perspective influences our interactions and expectations.
Use Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Failure means students are trying new ideas! All mistakes are chances to learn, both academically and behaviorally. School is a place where students are figuring things out.
Spotting a book on a Brooklyn stoop sparked a discussion about the shared ground between parenting and teaching. The titles above illustrate how books aimed at parents can offer valuable insights for educators. We encourage you to explore and discover applications for both your children and your students!
About the Author
Susanne Leslie is a Professional Learning Specialist at Teaching Channel. She holds a B.A. in Sociology and a Master’s in Education. As a former parent educator, Susanne’s specialty is Culture, Wellness, and Early Childhood instruction. In her current role, she writes courses and content, and is an enthusiastic advocate for play and time outdoors as the best teaching tools.
Fun Fact: Susanne has jumped out of two (perfectly good) airplanes!
