Reconciliation does not happen overnight – it is a long journey that requires sustained support and community engagement. The story of Rutungura and Matabaro, neighbours from Rutare, whom we supported through our peacebuilding work in Rwanda, is exactly about its power and what it can achieve.
The 1994 genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda left indelible marks on their lives. Yet, Rutungura managed to look beyond the profound pain and harm caused by his neighbour and begin building a future where his children can transcend community divisions and resolve conflicts peacefully.
Rutungura Anastase was born in 1961 in what was then Rwanda’s commune of Rutare, in the prefecture of Byumba, which is now located in Kigoma Cell, Gicumbi District. Rutungura grew up seeing the family of Matabaro Anastase as the best neighbours because their parents used to share drinks.
Life was good for Rutungura. He married Mukansanga Margaret, and by 1994, they had two children with another on the way. But the 1994 genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda shattered their peaceful life. His mother was killed by Matabaro, a very close friend and neighbour, and her body callously dumped into a latrine.
Rutungura Anastase survived the genocide but now has disabilities due to severe injuries in his throat and knee, permanent reminders of the violence and great suffering he endured.
Throughout this tragic period, he was separated from his family. Later, after the genocide ended, his wife thought that her husband was no longer alive. However, one day, a man informed her that he was still alive and took her to where he was. They returned to their village to find their home destroyed and all their possessions stolen, forcing them to rebuild their lives from scratch. Rutungura recalls:
My family took care of me for a long time. Eating was a problem, and even moving from one place to another was not possible, but my wife helped me until I got healed, and life started again.
Meanwhile, Matabaro Anastase fled the country after the genocide, fearing reprisals for killing Rutungura’s mother and many other Tutsis in the Kigoma Cell. His wife and child remained in Rwanda. Upon his eventual return, Matabaro was immediately imprisoned. He received a 12-year sentence in jail that was reduced to 8 years after he pleaded guilty.
First steps towards healing
After serving his sentence, Matabaro returned to Kigoma Cell, where Rutungura lived. The once-friendly families now looked at each other with fear and suspicion.
After some time, Matabaro took the first step toward reconciliation and went to see Rutungura’s family to seek forgiveness. He detailed his actions during the genocide, named his accomplices, and expressed remorse for what he had done.
Rutungura’s forgiveness, however, was not wholehearted at that point. “The government was mobilising us to forgive those who seek to be forgiven, so I had no other alternative but to accept. I just did that, but with something hidden in my mind,” said Rutungura.
Although Rutungura was not at peace of mind, Matabaro persisted in his efforts to rebuild their relationship. One day, he asked Rutungura to stand as his father during his wedding. Though Rutungura accepted, his heart remained guarded.
A remarkable transformation
The turning point in the relationship between Rutungura and Matabaro came when they joined the Dufatanye Urumuri (“Light” in Kinyarwanda) project that International Alert was implementing together with local partners across Rwanda. Persuaded by the community facilitator, Rutungura and his wife joined a support group called Umuhuza (“Mediator” ).
A few days later, Matabaro joined the same group as Rutungura. Rutungura initially felt uncomfortable being in the same group as Matabaro, but little by little, he experienced a profound change as he learned other members’ stories and reflected on their experiences.
Through the project, the two men found a structured environment to process their trauma and rebuild trust. They received psychosocial support and took part in healing sessions and community meetings that created a safe space for all members to confront the painful past while envisioning a shared future. Rutungura said:
The group sessions did so much good for me because when I joined this group, that is when I started to feel free, relaxed, and sincere toward the killer of my mother, and at peace in my mind, too
Similarly to Rutungura, Matabaro asserts that his relationship with Rutungura grew closer after he joined the DUP group. He even began inviting Rutungura for drinks without involving others, as there was no longer any fear between them.
Matabaro said: “Now I consider Rutungura and his wife to be my parents. When there is a misunderstanding between me and my wife, they are the ones who give us counseling.”
Writing a new chapter
The depth of their reconciliation became evident in December 2023 when Rutungura’s son got married. Matabaro, considering himself an older brother to the family, contributed financially and even rented a vehicle to take Rutungura’s family to the wedding venue in Gicumbi town.
But Matabaro’s commitment to this new relationship goes further: “I will give Rutungura’s family, my current father, a cow,” he promised. Giving a cow to somebody in Rwandan culture symbolises close friendship and strengthens social bonds between families.
International Alert’s reconciliation work in Rwanda has been instrumental in facilitating such transformations. This story of Rutungura and Matabaro demonstrates how peacebuilding can foster genuine healing and community restoration, helping communities build a future where past wounds no longer determine human relationships.
