Teaching Channel Talks Episode 111: Building Stronger Schools Through Parent Partnerships (w/ Peyten Williams)

Dr. Wendy Amato 00:00

Welcome to Teaching Channel Talks. I’m your host, Wendy Amato, and as often as I can, I jump into conversations about topics that make a difference in education. In this episode, my guest is a consultant, coach, author, and speaker. Welcome, Peyten Williams.

Peyten Williams 00:15

Thank you, Wendy. I’m excited to be here.

Dr. Wendy Amato 00:18

Peyten, I met you at AMLE, the Association of Middle Level Educators. Do you want to talk about the work that you were featuring there?

Peyten Williams 00:26

Absolutely. Thanks. My poster was about parent education in schools and particularly thinking about how if schools have great parent education and really robust parent communities, it actually can impact in a positive way teacher retention.

I know that’s something that schools are thinking about a lot right now. And how do we retain these fabulous teachers and make sure that they’re excited to come to work every day? When I used to be an educator and an administrator, I always laughed. One of the things that teachers would sometimes complain about was the parents.

And there’s actually some really good research around the power of partnership. And so I was just highlighting that and giving some ways that schools can help kind of create that triangle between parent, administrator, and teacher in a more positive way.

Dr. Wendy Amato 01:15

You used the phrase parent education, and I don’t want to assume or take for granted that means the same thing to all people.

Can you operationalize that a little bit? I mean, are these classes? Is it workshops? Is it just getting them on board with the rules and norms?

Peyten Williams 01:32

I would say it’s a little bit of all of that, and it actually depends on the school. So, many schools do a great job of onboarding parents. They have their parent orientation, and you get your welcome packet from your teacher in the mail, and so you do know what to expect on some levels as a parent.

That’s a piece that I do think in terms of parent education. Many schools spend a good bit of time and effort preparing and helping to onboard their parents. I’m actually talking a little bit more about helping parents be the parents you need them to be. And so, right. If we think about things that impact kids in the classroom, maybe they have TVs or screens or phones on while they’re doing their homework.

I think most parents probably know it’s not a great idea, but maybe they don’t know how to say no to their kids. And so, if that’s something that you’re noticing, or if there are particular trends in what’s going on in your school, there’s a partnership with parents that can happen, and that’s more what I’m talking about, which I actually don’t think most schools do.

Dr. Wendy Amato 02:46

One of the things I think about for parents is that often, they’re going through parenting for the first time. There is not a guidebook or handbook that works for all parents in all circumstances. So sharing information changes our ability to be effective as a community around the learner.

Tell me more about it.

Peyten Williams 03:06

Well, I laugh because as an educator, when I taught middle school for 13 years and high school for three, every time I had a parent conversation, like I had to call a parent and say, Hey, you know, this is what’s going on with your child. The first question was always, is this normal?

Like I don’t, they kind of were like, I don’t know what to do. And I think that can feel really lonely, particularly if it’s your first child and you’re going through the struggles of lower school or middle school or upper school. And you’re watching and you’re going, Oh my goodness, this is a whole new generation.

We didn’t have cell phones. Is it normal that they seem to be addicted to their cell phone? How many hours is addiction? I’m not sure. And educators, it’s so funny. We see hundreds of children. I mean, I can’t even count the number. And so we do have this funny framework of like, yeah, yeah, that’s normal or no, no, we do need some attention.

Whereas, as you said, for parents, they don’t have that. This is their one and only, or maybe third or maybe fourth or fifth. But wow, by the time they get there, they’re not calling you. And to help parents not feel quite so lonely or quite so uninformed, you know, not everybody got their master’s in education or has a focus on children in the same way.

Dr. Wendy Amato 04:27

Yeah, well, you and I each have diplomas from UVA that informs a lot of of maybe the way we describe things in education but you go beyond that. Let’s talk about your podcast for a moment. I love the title. What great teachers know that all parents can use, and this is really capturing that breadth of experience that an educator has that a parent needs, like what they want to know.

Is what’s happening in my home normal? What are some of the lessons that you’ve shared in your podcast? Any favorites?

Peyten Williams 04:59

Absolutely. So it’s funny because every other month I’ll focus on a particular grade level. So we started with kindergarten and then two months later we worked, did first grade. We’re about to record fourth grade.

And those are fun because it’s neat to see the progression of just developmental knowledge and things that are specific to each grade level and what six year olds are like and what 10 year olds are like. And I can’t wait to get to when we talk to the 12th grade teachers and they’re saying, here’s what 12th graders are like.

But actually some of my favorite conversations are the other months where we talk about specific teaching strategies that you learned in teacher school, or you learned from experience or from watching a colleague who is a really good teacher. And these are things that, um, I think even if I were just an educator and not a parent, I would listen to those cause it would make me a better teacher.

Those are the things that just absolutely delight podcast, because it’s stuff that’s so easy.

Dr. Wendy Amato 06:04

Would you offer some advice to parents thinking about how they could ask better questions of their children’s teachers?

Peyten Williams 06:13

Oh, absolutely. For me, parents sort of fell into three categories. There was a category of parents who, before I had kids, I thought, Okay, I want to be like you because you were thoughtful and respectful and appreciated me as a person. You also held firm in the knowledge that you really knew your own child and wanted what’s best for them.

And then there were the parents who just sort of didn’t really do a whole lot of anything bad or good, but just, you know, existed. And that also is preferable to the other group that was, you know, critical or judgmental without having all the knowledge.

And so I think for parents, usually if you’re interacting with a teacher, it’s because there’s something going on that you’re worried about. And I would say first, as a parent, acknowledge the worry, like, Okay, I’ve got emotion around this. I feel worried. And then check—is this developmentally appropriate for me to be talking to the teacher about, or should I let my child be the advocate and practice or coach with my child on what that looks like first before I jump in? I think we often jump in too soon, and that’s not great.

And then I would say the last piece of advice would be just always go in person before you write an email. Maybe write the email, but don’t send it so you get your thoughts down, right? Journal or something, get it all out, and then go in person—either on the phone, Zoom, or actually in person if that works. That personal touch really, I think, can make a difference in building that relationship because you’re all on the same side.

Dr. Wendy Amato 07:57

One piece of advice I’ve given teachers before, especially newer teachers, is to make contact with the parents early in the year with a positive message, so that that first interaction is not addressing a concern. And maybe that’s a piece of advice I hear you giving to parents right now. Peyten, you do a lot of work with schools. You’re in the Atlanta area, I believe. How do you determine what schools need?

Peyten Williams 08:26

Usually, um, they will contact me and say, hey, you know, we, so right now, for example, a good concrete example I can give is that a lot of schools right now are experimenting with or piloting or actually just full on going phone free.

And I always laugh because it’s actually the parents who are giving the kids the phones. And so a lot of times schools with a new initiative or schools with some sort of change that’s going on, they, they are so focused beautifully on doing it well during the school day with the kids as they should be. And they also don’t want to not waste administrators’ time, but you only have so much time and bandwidth and energy and it’s best if you spend it on the kids.

And so a lot of times then they’ll call me and say, Hey, we need to help educate our parents or bring them along or help them just see where we’re coming from. And so for several schools recently, I’ve done some stuff about here’s some current research on phones. Here’s why your school is doing what they’re doing. And usually the administrators do that piece. And I do a lot of partnership with them. And then we lead some facilitated conversations for parents around.

Okay. What does this look like for you at home? Or what takeaways, what struggles are you having? How can the school support you? Yeah. And what’s really funny is I’ve never so far, knock on wood, had a time where a parent said, gosh, you know, I really wish you had lectured the whole time. Like they just, they’re so thankful to have a minute to talk to other parents and to have the school provide a place for them to work through problems that you really are not going to make time as a parent on your own to work through, but it really benefits the school and the parents and the kids when they do have that structured time.

Dr. Wendy Amato 10:30

I love thinking that the schools are always aware of what they need and that it’s just a matter of needing an additional resource to get it done. But I suspect there are plenty of schools that know there’s a problem, but have not been able to put their finger on it. And I worry about those programs.

Peyten Williams 10:50

I do too. I think I’ve seen a lot of schools actually start recently doing some surveys of their community members. So they do surveys of the kids, surveys of the faculty, surveys of the parents. And I think that also is a great place for people to get, you know, feedback and kind of see like, Ooh, what’s the pulse on this.

But even unofficially, I know most teachers now do student course feedback and if you’re willing to look at it through a lens of curiosity and not defensiveness, you really can learn a lot about things that could be changed. Because when the adults change, everything changes.

Dr. Wendy Amato 11:32

You’ve offered some very practical support for parents. Things as specific as helping them understand what’s reasonable when you’re hosting an overnight at your home. Can you share some of those specifics? What should people know?

Peyten Williams 11:47

Absolutely. One really fun thing I get to do on a pretty much weekly basis is my friend Becky and I started a few years ago, a little weekly Zoom on Thursdays at noon. She calls it Food for Thought. She was a school administrator for a long, long time. And we talk each week about different parenting topics and it’s free and we record it and I throw it on my YouTube channel. So you can check that out if you want to.

But I think most of the things that parents ask us to talk about, because we always solicit what’s on your mind, I swear the top three things are always friend drama, right? Like when do I step in? When do I not? What’s normal? What do I need to be aware of with my children? Technology stuff. People are always worried about that because it’s new for us, just like it’s new for our kids, but you know, we don’t always have the time or bandwidth to learn it. So friend drama, technology, and then the third one is actually discipline.

You kind of parent how you were parented. And a lot of us had fabulous parents, and a lot of us had not so fabulous parents. And a lot of us had fabulous people who were trying really hard to be parents and didn’t know how to do it. And, you know, it’s not like you get to take a class. And so discipline, I do think, is one of the harder things because you’re trying to figure out how do I make this child obey me?

But really, that’s not what you should be thinking. It should be like, how can I build a relationship with my child so that they’re intrinsically motivated to do the things they want to do and that they need to do and to be a good human? And that’s actually really complicated. And so I think that piece is always a question for people.

Dr. Wendy Amato 13:26

In addition to your 16 years in the classroom, you’ve been a director of teaching and learning. And your parenting experience on top of that, or wrapped around it and through it. Why is this not getting more attention in schools? Why is there not a Peyton Williams in every district making sure that parent education includes these crucial considerations?

Peyten Williams 13:53

It’s interesting. That’s actually a fabulous question. I think, if I were to think systematically about it, I would think number one, schools are focused on children. And they haven’t been prepared, you know, as a society, our culture has changed a good bit in America where a lot of the other supports have sort of eroded in some ways.

So like the places where children got parented were not just at home with parents, but it was at, you know, religious services or through bowling leagues or whatever. Or even at neighborhood houses. And now we just, our lives are different and they’re set up differently. And so schools are a bit expected now to do more parenting of children than they ever were. And I don’t think they were set up to do that. So that’s, I think, the first reason. And they’re adapting. Hopefully they’ll get there.

I think the second reason is that, you know, as schools have their eye on children, they sort of expect the parents to either let them be and like, just, Y’all just let us be, trust us. Right? And it’s a new generation. We don’t want to just trust you, right? We want to be in relationship with you and believe that not only are you for our children, you are for us. And that generational shift, I think, has kind of come out of the blue for a lot of schools.

And I also think the third thing, I think schools are not having their eyes on parents or hosting parent things, is that when they have tried in the past, they say parents don’t show up. And so why put effort into something, right? It takes a lot of time and effort to prepare a parent coffee and sometimes money, right? I spent money on all these coffees and donuts and only three people showed up. That was a waste of our time and resources.

I think that is also pretty interesting because there’s a question there that I think schools aren’t asking, which is Why aren’t parents showing up to that? And What is it that parents would show up for? And Why aren’t we providing that? And I just don’t think they’ve had really the bandwidth to do that.

Dr. Wendy Amato 16:04

You’ve shared that you were struck by the Surgeon General’s statement about loneliness. How does that connect to this conversation about connection?

Peyten Williams 16:14

Absolutely. So I read recently about, you know, they have all these new warnings about technology and all this stuff, but also there was something that came out recently about, I think, one in eight adults are lonely to a point where it’s really bad for their health, actually—not just their mental health, but also their physical health.

And we know that there are studies that show that people who are deep in relationships live longer. And in a lot of ways for parents, especially, parenting can be very lonely, right? Like all the friends you used to hang out with, you can’t anymore, because especially when you have a newborn, right? It’s like, it just wipes out your social life. And then you spend the rest of the time trying to build it back.

But the way that parenting goes these days is, it’s a lot of us are dual-working households. You’re working a ton, you’re then taking your kids to all their extracurricular activities. And it’s not like when we’re sitting on the sidelines at a basketball game, we’re all like having a nice chat as parents while our kids play. We’re all on our phones still working or looking at whatever we need to look at.

And so I do think that for parents, it really can be difficult to find friends. And schools have a real opportunity to be a place where parents can bond with the parents of their kids’ friends, of course, but also with parents from other classes where they can have mentors and they can mentor people behind them. And I think school is actually the one linchpin left where that could happen.

Dr. Wendy Amato 17:57

What advice would you offer to a school administrator to help foster this culture of belonging for the parents or between the parents?

Peyten Williams 18:06

I would say if you are going to do something that is a lecture, turn it into a Zoom meeting and record it or make it a podcast. So that parents can do that asynchronously because if you are going to ask parents who are busy and probably dual-working households to drive to your school, to take time to come onto campus, then they need to connect with other humans in a pretty deep way. And if you can do that, your parents will show up for a lot. Because then it’s worth it.

I think name tags are maybe your most important investment when you invite people on campus to be able to be called by name and to have people know your name is really essential. And as parents, it’s so awkward because you meet somebody once, you recognize their face, and you can’t ask again, Hey, uh, I remember your, you know, so-and-so’s mom, but I don’t remember your name. And that in itself is community-breaking. So just having name tags at your parent coffees, that is such a cheap but easy way to build that community.

Dr. Wendy Amato 19:21

The recommendations you’re making are reasonable. These are doable.

Peyten Williams 19:26

Yeah. One other one that actually comes to mind is so many times when I go to parent events, the chairs are set up in rows and there’s a teacher standing at the front lecturing.

And I laugh so hard because I’m like, A, I could have listened to that in my car as a recording. And B, why are you teaching me in a way that we know is not effective? Right? Like if you want to teach me, even if you want to lecture to me, have me do a turn and talk at least. Like, let’s model for our parents the educational strategies that we know are up to date and based on best educational practice. So if you set up your parent meetings the way you would set up your best classroom in your school, you’re going to have a much better outcome.

Dr. Wendy Amato 20:14

Peyten, in this conversation, you have offered research-backed recommendations. You have addressed the critical importance of parent education in our school system, and you’ve shared your own experiences in ways that show us that we can do it. I’m grateful.

Peyten Williams 20:32

Well, thank you so much. And thanks for the opportunity to chat with you. You are amazing, and I’m so glad for the work that you’re doing to help our education system and all the kids that benefit from it.

Dr. Wendy Amato 20:44

Well, let’s stay in it and make the difference we need to make to our fellow educators everywhere. Thank you, all of you, for listening to this conversation and taking away some action items. If you’d like to explore the topics that Peyten and I discussed today, please check out the show notes at teachingchannel.com/podcast, and be sure to subscribe on whatever listening app you use. It will help others to find us. I’ll see you again soon for the next episode. Thanks for listening.