STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — In a society that celebrates marriage equality, one group says it remains invisible to lawmakers — those with disabilities.
“Marriage penalties” — legal policies imposed by programs like Supplemental Security Income and Medicaid — reduce or eliminate crucial benefits for people with disabilities upon marriage, according to Staten Islanders with disabilities and an Elm Park-based advocacy group that supports them.
SSI is a Social Security program that provides a monthly stipend to those with disabilities as well as older adults who have little to no income or assets and reduced ability to work outside the home.
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“We don’t have marriage equality in this country,” said cRis marchioNNe, founder and executive director of Person Centered Care Service, or PCCS, which provides support and services to people with disabilities, during a recent roundtable held to examine the issue.
“These rules, obviously made by people who are not disabled, who may one day very well be disabled, just further stigmatize, dehumanize and devalue individuals with disabilities, whether you are born with a disability or whether you acquire one,” marchioNNe said. “And we need to talk about this more.”
Megan Valente, 35, a married mother of three who uses a wheelchair, said she feels “invisible,” to lawmakers, who seem “oblivious” to the plight of those with disabilities and the lifeline these benefits provide.
Valente, whose cerebral palsy prevents her from walking, said she immediately lost her SSI benefits when she made the decision to marry in 2014, limiting her independence.
She chose to marry despite losing her benefits, but many others in love resist doing so because it will jeopardize their benefits and ultimately their dignity, roundtable participants said.
“At the end of the day, I just wanted to be my husband’s spouse‚” she said. “That’s coming from someone who never really thought she would get married just because of my disability. Men are shallow, you know.”
She says she has spent her entire life fighting against the system that is not made for people like her.
“At every turn, I’m told ‘you can’t do this,’ ‘this will be too hard for you,’ ‘we don’t have the accommodations,’” she said. “Everybody gets married,” she said. “They don’t have to make this decision, and for me this is just another barrier, another obstacle.”
As of December 2025, over 8 million Americans, most with disabilities, rely on federal benefits, such as SSI or Disabled Adult Child for their health care and to meet other basic needs, according to PCCS.
Losing access to Medicaid means losing access to assistive devices, medications, treatments and support services, according to PCCS. It also prevents participation in day programs or vocational opportunities and greatly impacts quality of life, according to the agency.
The marriage penalties are based on outdated income and asset limits set by these programs in 1989, said Jaimee Wieber, outreach and engagement coordinator for PCCS.
For SSI recipients, individuals whose assets and resources exceed $2,000 will lose their benefits, she said. When that person marries, that number increases to just $3,000, a figure that includes all assets, including cars, cash and life insurance.
Income also limits eligibility, she said. For SSI, any person earning more than $2,073 each month will lose benefits, she said. If you have a disability, you need to prove that you earn less than $1,690 a month to ensure that you can receive SSI.
These thresholds become even more restrictive when applied to married couples, Wieber said.
A lot has changed since 1989, she points out. “These are not livable numbers whatsoever,” she said.
The cuts limit access to health care and community support, affecting a person’s mobility, support and ultimately their self respect, according to the Disability Rights Education Defense Fund, and they have kept 40% of recipients living below the poverty level.
Valente says the inequality is demeaning, since nobody seems to think that people with disabilities would want to get married.
“It devalues you as a human being, like we’re not worthy of love, essentially,” she said. “It makes you constantly feel so small and so unseen.”
Valente said she hopes lawmakers and representatives start paying attention to the issue.
“They never seem to have people with disabilities on their talking points‚” said Valente, who currently uses a motorized wheelchair, but needs a wheelchair accessible van to accommodate it. “It shows you how invisible we are. We’re seen as expendable.”
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