This week, Angela Stubbs gently guides us inward, helping us explore self-sabotaging patterns with compassion and kindness.
Most of us know what it feels like to be our own toughest critic—caught in patterns of self-doubt or self-sabotage that keep us from fully embracing who we are. When these moments arise, we may feel tension or even resistance within ourselves.
In this meditation, Angela Stubbs gently guides us inward, helping us explore these patterns with compassion and kindness. Through six stages, she invites us to bring awareness to these feelings, accepting ourselves without judgment and affirming our worth.
Notice that the patterns and the thoughts and behaviors around self-sabotage are just ways that we’ve learned to cope with things in our lives, ways that we’ve learned to respond to stimuli in our lives.
With each stage, we cultivate a sense of warmth and resilience, creating space to move beyond self-doubt and reconnect with our inner strength. This practice offers us a chance to release the hold of self-criticism, embracing a more gentle, patient approach toward ourselves.
A Guided Meditation for Awareness and Release of Self-Sabotage
- Today, we’re going to see if we might meet ourselves with some tenderness around the ways in which self-sabotaging patterns and moments show up in our lives. We’re going to see how we might work with them. That’s going to look different for everybody.
- First, find a comfortable posture or position, either seated or lying down. Gently close your eyes. Or if it feels better for you, lower your gaze and take a nice deep breath in. Feel your chest expand and the belly expand with the breath. Pause for a moment at the top of that breath and slowly release it, allowing your body to settle. Continue to breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, and allow yourself to notice the sensations of the breath. Give yourself this moment to relax and be here without thinking you should be anywhere else or be doing anything else.
- Now, bring your attention inward, noticing any sensations in your body. Feel the weight of your body, supported by the ground or chair, releasing any tension you may notice. That tension lives in different places for all of us, so notice where that is for you. See if you can find that center of gravity by rocking side to side gently, just to remind yourself that you’re sitting. And as you notice the sensations in the body and where you might be feeling tightness or tension, allow yourself to be here and fully connected to the experience of sitting and being.
- Next, bring some gentle awareness to any patterns you might be aware of that you would consider to be self sabotage in your life. You don’t need to deeply dive into what that is for you. We’re not looking at ways to judge ourselves for the ways that we notice self-sabotage or patterns of behavior that don’t serve us to be a part of an ongoing narrative that we’re helping to make bigger and worse for ourselves. Rather, we’re taking inventory and just noticing: How might that show up for you?
- Remember, it’s going to look different for everyone. We’re just trying to recognize. Does that look like people pleasing for you? Maybe it looks like putting people’s needs ahead of your own, or it might show up as not speaking up when you have something to say. Maybe you have a habit of holding back. Or just maybe it’s that harsh inner critic that never shuts up. We all have one. We’re just noticing those spaces in your life where those narratives might be more prevalent.
- Now, let’s shift the way that we think about those stories. Notice that the patterns and the thoughts and behaviors around self-sabotage are just ways that we’ve learned to cope with things in our lives, ways that we’ve learned to respond to stimuli in our lives. All we’re doing is seeing if we can observe those patterns and those behaviors with some kindness. The goal here is not to beat ourselves up about the fact that these things exist, but rather embrace them with some kindness and a little tenderness.
- Pay attention to how difficult it may or may not be for you to offer some compassion to those parts of yourself. One way that this gets a little easier is when we envision extending the warmth and the tenderness and the care that we would give to a friend or to someone that we care about.
- Envision drawing in that compassion for yourself, placing a hand on your heart. Place your right hand on your heart and then put your left hand on top of it, and hold that space there in the heart for yourself. As you breathe in and out, let go of any self-criticism you might have around these patterns.
- As you do this, just observe your thoughts: What are your thoughts around this topic? We like to attach a lot of meanings to the thoughts as they arise. The goal here today is just allowing them to be here, noticing that they’re here and not needing to do anything about it. You’re not justifying to yourself or to anyone else why it’s here or how you feel about it. So whether you’re thinking of something and you feel self-doubt, or frustration, or that fun inner critic decides to pay a visit—see if you can observe it without engaging it or pushing it away.
- If it helps, give yourself an inner mantra, something that reminds you that you are worthy of kindness. You’re good enough as you are. Think of something that feels right for you to repeat in your own mind for the next minute. If self-sabotaging thoughts arise, greet them with compassion and remind yourselves of your wholeness, your capacity for change.
- Take a final deep breath and fill yourself with compassion. Exhale slowly, releasing any remaining tension. When you feel ready, gently open your eyes and bring the sense of mindful self-compassion with you as you reenter your day.
